Thursday, February 25, 2010

Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!.........aw........damn

Just got this letter from a Sauce Lover and I thought it would be important to address considering it's about one of the number one concerns for men in the bedroom. For women it can be flattering or frustrating, but it can be fixed! Let's here it for premature ejaculation!

Hi Sasha, love this group!

I have a question about premature ejaculation. My boyfriend suffers from this (he is not happy with how long he lasts, it isn't so much an issue for me) and this has always been a problem with him. He isn't even enjoying sex anymore because he is so worried about cumming too soon.

I was wondering if you had any advice/techniques we could try? We use condoms (to decrease sensation, and of course for safety :P), he masturbates beforehand often, and even would rather drink before we have sex because he says it makes him last longer.

Anything else?

Thanks

Dear Sauce Lover,

Premature ejaculation is on the the top concerns of men when it comes to bedroom activities and I have heard of some of pretty interesting things guys have done to keep themselves in check. I even knew one guy who hung a picture of a penguin upside down over his bed so if he ever got too excited, he could look at it and think, "Why the hell is the penguin upside down?" Some men count, some think of baseball or Bea Arthur, or even dead puppies (ew). However, some times those strange mental images just aren't enough (it's cause I'm just too hot, I know, it's a curse) and we need to seek alternative solutions. It sounds like you are already pretty well informed and what you are trying now are some good ideas, but if he is still not satisfied with his performance I have some other suggestions for you.

One thing he might want to look into purchasing a desensitizing lube. I would recommend Durex Play Longer Desensitizing Lubricant for Men. The thing about these lubes is that they contain a mild anesthetic (usually 7.5 percent benzocaine) that causes a temporary numbing sensation after being applied to the skin. The purpose of this desensitization is to help men to keep their erections and to postpone or prevent premature ejaculation. However, since the penis has less sensation, sexual pleasure for some men could be reduced and if too much is used they could just go entirely numb. Plus, if a condom is not worn when using these products, the gel or cream can rub off onto your naughty bits diminishing sensation and pleasure for you. Which nobody wants! Another option which can prove less messy it the desensitizing condom. Look for Trojan Extended Pleasure brand condoms that just won an consumer award for best desensitizing condom. They have the standard amount of anesthetic already inside the condom so their is no fear of using too much. But just like a unique and beautiful snowflake, every penis if different. So some men may require more or less desensitization than the condom can offer.

If you are looking for a more natural way to get his ejaculation under control, he needs to change his masturbation habits. Most people when they masturbate are of the mind frame to get in, get off, and get out. This speedy practice in men is often the main cause of premature ejaculation. When he is flying solo, ask him to try to take it slow. He can help himself do this by switching hands or positions. If he normally stands up in the shower to rub one out, have him try laying down on his back or stomach, or have him sit down in comfy chair. (Also when you are having sex try NOT to do it in the same position that he typically masturbates, this will better distinguish sex with you as a different experience.)

He needs to switch things up like this because of muscle memory. The muscles in the human body have a memory of their own, so when they experience certain actions or sensations, they will take over to produce the typical result (in this case a quick spurt). In order to change his ejaculation patterns he will actually have to change the muscle memory in his penis. Sounds painful, but I promise it's not, it can be fun! :) He needs to re-teach his naughty muscles that sexual stimulation needs to be prolonged in order to reach his climax. In order to re-program he is going to need to work at it. Remember, practice makes perfect! So he should frequently try to extend the length of his masturbation sessions by bringing himself to the point of almost cumming and having him slow down, or stop entirely. The longer he will be able to go by himself, the longer he will be able to go with you.

If you want you could make it a fun practicing by teasing him yourself either manually or orally, but always making sure to stop and take breaks to let him cool down and extend the experience. Another technique that I have used to rein in an overly excited partner may be a little far out for some, but it is very effective. S&M can do wonders in the bedroom not just as fun play but a tool to help keep you man in control. When pleasuring a man I often will bring him right to the point of release and then firmly, but lightly, slap the inside of his thigh or the meaty part of his bum. It sort of wakes them up and doesn't let them get off that easy (I <3 double entendres). You can also do the same thing with ice cubes, or hot wax. Just bringing a new and distracting sensation to the table can mix things up in his brain to confuse and excite (but not too much) his little man (or big man if the case may be). In some cases however if the guy you are with is really into S&M, this can backfire and cause him to erupt like a volcano, but if your new to the experiences it can be very exciting, but grounding. Now if this is something you would like to try, talk to your man about it first. He might freak out if you just spring it on him. Not everyone is cut of for these more rough and tumble activities.

I hope I was able to help you guys out and you will try some of my suggestions. If you like please do keep me updated to let me know what worked for you and what didn't or if you find some new tantalizing trick this I may not have even heard of. Sex is about fun, play and experimentation. So never stop trying to things! And remember to always keep it safe and saucy!

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